Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
i would punch a child for taco bell
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
