Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
