so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
love makes seman taste better
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Randomize
