Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
