Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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