haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
