I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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