thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
