Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
