Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Randomize
