so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
