If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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