he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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