i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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