My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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