Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Randomize
