Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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