hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
