he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
