I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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