Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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