Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
