Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
