Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Randomize
