I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Randomize
