Got a toothbrush?
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
