Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
