i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Farmville is her only friend.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
