you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
