I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
