Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
