I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
