my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
And then my night got REAL pukey
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Randomize
