you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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