I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
