watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
