i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
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