I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
