I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize