ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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