Why are handjobs necessary in class?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I pour the whiskey from now on
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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