spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
