Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
