Soap is not a condiment
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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