So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
