Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
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