3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Soap is not a condiment
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
