I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
