tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
