honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
