So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
