Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
