i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
