I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
