i think i have two assholes
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
