i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
He? As in you personified your dick?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
