wakey wakey hands off snakey
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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