her vagine was all disorganized.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
