i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
