so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
You pole danced in your parka.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
