i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
