Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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