p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Randomize
