My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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