Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I want a musical about memes.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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