She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
He shit in the fireplace
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
