My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
