I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
