if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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