idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
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