he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
