god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
