What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
