Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
