i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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