i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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